Starting over sucks

Working on The Dragonslayers novel has been surprisingly painful.

So when I started writing screenplays, I, like many new writers, thought I was hot shit. I wasn't trying to write Citizen Kane, I was just trying to write slick action schlock, and thought I did a pretty swell job of it, too. I knew it wasn't perfect, but hey, I was pretty good.

Then I wrote my second screenplay, and on review, oof, my first one? Not very good.

And again, after my third screenplay, my second one looked pretty bad. And after my fourth, my third definitely had flaws. I wasn't really until I finished The Destroyer that I still liked my previous screenplay (Gokhan, though after several more screenplays, yeah, it's looking a little worse now too).

Which is fine, that's part of the process. But working on a novel now, I can see that process happening anew and it's so much more annoying when you know you're going to end up hating what you're writing. I don't hate it now, obviously, but I keep second-guessing things. And I can't tell myself I'm wrong, because, I know I'm right - I will wind up regretting a lot of it. And the serial nature of things kind of makes it worse, because it means the process will be playing out even within the same novel - since I won't be going back and editing the story as a whole, I'm positive by the time I finish the final chapter, the first chapter is gonna look terrible.

Normally, when I'm working on a first draft of something, I can get over it being bad by accepting that I'll get to go back and edit. With a serial novel, that doesn't really work. Like, I guess I *could*, but it does kind of defeat the purpose, and I certainly can't do any major edits. Maybe if/when I polish the whole thing and turn it into an ebook, but.

So yeah, just, go easy on my attempt at writing fiction. I know it sucks, but if I don't let it suck, I'll never write it. Hopefully eventually the stuff I write won't suck but for now I need to give myself permission to be terrible.